It is a myth that only sexual-abuse survivors suffer from intimacy issues. In fact, sexual-abuse survivors may not exhibit any physical intimacy issues. However, in this case intimacy issues are not uncommon because when we experience a traumatic event of any type, our body goes into physiological “survival mode”—a response that, if not completed and returned to a normal regulation of the nervous system, can lead to emotional and physical intimacy issues.
Read MoreJust as Laura Davis describes in her book I Thought We'd Never Speak Again: The Road from Estrangement to Reconciliation, I have seen positive outcomes when working with adult children of abusers who have been able to regain closeness with their previously abusive relatives.
Read MoreThis article depicts the interview and story of Dianna, who grew up in the Middle East and escaped her emotionally and verbally abusive father when she was a young adult by emigrating to the United States. Because her father never acknowledged her pain, and most of her relatives never believed such abuse was possible from her father…
Read More"Why are some people afraid to succeed but not to fail? Why are some more afraid of failure? How can one learn to embrace these two fears? What is the difference between them?" A young Canadian woman wrote to me recently with these inquiries. I thought they were excellent questions, and decided to share my thoughts and findings here.
Read MoreStephanie met a man for their first date together, and it went very well. They talked for three hours, exchanged eye contact, laughed together, and had great chemistry. At the end of the evening, they agreed, “This was fun! Let’s meet again!”
Read MoreAfter I posted my last article about childhood sexual abuse for the Psychology Today blog, many of my readers e-mailed me various questions. Rebecca (not her real name) was a reader who was confused about her experience and trying to put the puzzle pieces together. She asked the following:
Read MoreIncest is a type of sexual abuse that can (but does not always) include sexual intercourse, sexually inappropriate acts, or the abuse of power based on sexual activity between blood relatives. The important thing to remember is that incest is a form of sexual abuse.
Read MoreGiving too much of yourself and saying yes too often is something many people are accustomed to doing to avoid conflicts and feelings of guilt. A sincere desire to give is wonderful, however, there’s a distinction between giving of yourself and giving up yourself. Ignoring your own desires and views may not only deny “who you are” but, over time, may lead to resenting others, feeling fatigued or anxious, and experiencing stress induced physical symptoms.
Read MoreOn a post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) forum, a college student cries out for help: “Hey, everyone, I’m having a really hard time with course work right now.” He elaborates, “I’m dissociating a lot right now, and it’s making me pretty dysfunctional some days. For those of you who are, or have been, in college, do you have any suggestions that might help me deal with dissociation and concentration problems?”
Read MoreMedical professionals such as physicians, nurses, psychotherapists, and emergency workers who help traumatized patients may develop their own Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) symptoms as an indirect response to their patient’s suffering. This phenomenon has been referred to as compassion fatigue, vicarious traumatization or secondary traumatic stress.
Read MoreMany people wonder, “Why don’t kidnapping victims like Jacee Dugard try to escape when they have the chance? Why do they bond with their perpetrator?” Research shows that these behavioral patterns are typically experienced by sexually assaulted people; abuse, domestic violence, and incest victims; cult members; and those who survive kidnapping and hostage situations.
Read MoreIt would only be fair to mention that in my work with the foster care system, I met many wonderful foster agencies and foster families who sometimes went on to permanently adopt their foster children. Yet overall, it seems obvious that the foster care system does not work well, and the statistics of abusive foster families are too high.
Read MoreThe child welfare system is designed to take care of children up until they are 18 years old. In certain cases, they might even emancipate earlier. But what happens once they grow too old for the child welfare system?
Read MoreOnce placed in foster care, a child is not always guaranteed to be safe from abuse. In fact, Liftingtheveil.org cites a troubling statistic from one study, claiming that over 28% of children in New York alone are abused while in "the system."
Read MoreIn most cases, that "someone" is a mandated reporter who sees bruises or other signs of physical or emotional abuse. Mandated reporters are those who work with children such as teachers, church leaders, daycare owners, Boy and Girl Scout leaders, therapists, and doctors. Other calls are made from "non-mandated reporters" such as neighbors and relatives. In all of these cases, when a call is made, Child Protective Services (CPS) is brought in.
Read MoreImagine waking up from anesthesia during a surgical procedure, becoming fully aware of what is happening, perhaps being able to feel the sensations of surgical tools cutting into your body or pulling at your organs, yet not being lucid enough to react, speak, move, or otherwise alert anyone to your experience. This sounds like a horror story, doesn't it?
Read MoreStatistics say that only 5% of those who survived 9/11 in New York City went on to experience symptoms of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). But in the case of Hurricane Katrina, 33% later suffered symptoms. This is a very high percentage, even for an extremely traumatizing event. So why the disparity in PTSD rates between 9/11 and Katrina?
Read MoreBecause I so often focus on the variety and depth of trauma, I'd like to shift gears in this article and talk about the suffering that can also be an impetus for personal growth. This is not to say that we in the psychology field are proponents of trauma, or that we would ever wish a traumatic experience on anyone.
Read MoreIn my psychotherapy practice I've seen how traumatic relationships and serious mental disorders can lead to emotional cutoff or estrangement.
Read MoreWhile a common misconception might be that child abuse victims come from "bad" or low-income families, the truth is that child abuse occurs across the spectrum of socioeconomic conditions and within all types of families.
