In an earlier article, I talked about child neglect (known as an "act of omission".) On the other end of the spectrum of child abuse is physical abuse, an act of commission.
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This article depicts the interview and story of Dianna, who grew up in the Middle East and escaped her emotionally and verbally abusive father when she was a young adult by emigrating to the United States. Because her father never acknowledged her pain, and most of her relatives never believed such abuse was possible from her father…
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"Why are some people afraid to succeed but not to fail? Why are some more afraid of failure? How can one learn to embrace these two fears? What is the difference between them?" A young Canadian woman wrote to me recently with these inquiries. I thought they were excellent questions, and decided to share my thoughts and findings here.
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Why is everyone looking the other way while a woman is harassed on the bus, a child is abused by a parent in the parking lot of a grocery store, or a stranger on the street is being attacked? Why isn’t anyone doing or saying anything? We all know that there are true heroes among us who will risk their own lives to help others. But what makes one person a bystander and another a hero?
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Stephanie met a man for their first date together, and it went very well. They talked for three hours, exchanged eye contact, laughed together, and had great chemistry. At the end of the evening, they agreed, “This was fun! Let’s meet again!”
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After I posted my last article about childhood sexual abuse for the Psychology Today blog, many of my readers e-mailed me various questions. Rebecca (not her real name) was a reader who was confused about her experience and trying to put the puzzle pieces together. She asked the following:
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“Within a very short time, we received 900 phone calls after Typhoon Haiyan struck the Philippines on November 8,” Marianna Thomas, head of food and shelter for the American Red Cross in San Francisco, told me.
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Categorization of emotions into positive and negative—that is, seeing them as black and white—may not benefit us. Perhaps we can see emotions of all kinds as human experiences that give us information about ourselves. Emotions can also be a motivator for our actions and a precursor to reactions.
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There are various types of traumatic events that can lead to Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). Sexual abuse is a particularly sinister type of trauma because of the shame it instills in the victim. With childhood sexual abuse, victims are often too young to know how to express what is happening and seek out help. When not properly treated, this can result in a lifetime of PTSD, depression and anxiety.
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Incest is a type of sexual abuse that can (but does not always) include sexual intercourse, sexually inappropriate acts, or the abuse of power based on sexual activity between blood relatives. The important thing to remember is that incest is a form of sexual abuse.
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Giving too much of yourself and saying yes too often is something many people are accustomed to doing to avoid conflicts and feelings of guilt. A sincere desire to give is wonderful, however, there’s a distinction between giving of yourself and giving up yourself. Ignoring your own desires and views may not only deny “who you are” but, over time, may lead to resenting others, feeling fatigued or anxious, and experiencing stress induced physical symptoms.
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On a post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) forum, a college student cries out for help: “Hey, everyone, I’m having a really hard time with course work right now.” He elaborates, “I’m dissociating a lot right now, and it’s making me pretty dysfunctional some days. For those of you who are, or have been, in college, do you have any suggestions that might help me deal with dissociation and concentration problems?”
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Many people wonder, “Why don’t kidnapping victims like Jacee Dugard try to escape when they have the chance? Why do they bond with their perpetrator?” Research shows that these behavioral patterns are typically experienced by sexually assaulted people; abuse, domestic violence, and incest victims; cult members; and those who survive kidnapping and hostage situations.
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It would only be fair to mention that in my work with the foster care system, I met many wonderful foster agencies and foster families who sometimes went on to permanently adopt their foster children. Yet overall, it seems obvious that the foster care system does not work well, and the statistics of abusive foster families are too high.
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The child welfare system is designed to take care of children up until they are 18 years old. In certain cases, they might even emancipate earlier. But what happens once they grow too old for the child welfare system?
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Once placed in foster care, a child is not always guaranteed to be safe from abuse. In fact, Liftingtheveil.org cites a troubling statistic from one study, claiming that over 28% of children in New York alone are abused while in "the system."
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In most cases, that "someone" is a mandated reporter who sees bruises or other signs of physical or emotional abuse. Mandated reporters are those who work with children such as teachers, church leaders, daycare owners, Boy and Girl Scout leaders, therapists, and doctors. Other calls are made from "non-mandated reporters" such as neighbors and relatives. In all of these cases, when a call is made, Child Protective Services (CPS) is brought in.
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Imagine waking up from anesthesia during a surgical procedure, becoming fully aware of what is happening, perhaps being able to feel the sensations of surgical tools cutting into your body or pulling at your organs, yet not being lucid enough to react, speak, move, or otherwise alert anyone to your experience. This sounds like a horror story, doesn't it?
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Statistics say that only 5% of those who survived 9/11 in New York City went on to experience symptoms of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). But in the case of Hurricane Katrina, 33% later suffered symptoms. This is a very high percentage, even for an extremely traumatizing event. So why the disparity in PTSD rates between 9/11 and Katrina?
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Because I so often focus on the variety and depth of trauma, I'd like to shift gears in this article and talk about the suffering that can also be an impetus for personal growth. This is not to say that we in the psychology field are proponents of trauma, or that we would ever wish a traumatic experience on anyone.
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